Fathering as in Mothering
The sudden change in the weather temperature today has made me reflect on the issue about Fathering. This sudden change on the climate seems to have suggested for me to reflect on the issue about Fathering. Fathering as opposed to mothering is that grey area in terms of the general agenda on parenting and the whole concept of family life. For example, the only attributed role to fathers is that of bread winners of the family. Their skills and direct participations in child care and nurture seems to be ouwitted by the conservative view on parenting. It appears as though parenting is exlusively reserved only to mothers who seem to be doing a lot of the nurture and care of young ones. This might be culturally true in the distant past, but now, especially to migrant workers like me who has no immediate family relatives to help has totally changed the whole concept of parenting.
There appears to be a great difference on the conservative understanding about parenting in the past as it is at this present generation. It may slightly vary on the different cultures around the world but still generally I think parenting now-a-days is an equal job shared by both parents or guardians.
Fathering as a Migrant Worker
Parenting in distant lands miles away from one's own homeland is all the more difficult especially when both parents have their own jobs. The struggle to raise one's own family without the guidance and help of other extended families is an uphill struggle! I was a little bit luckier when my mother-in-law came to stay with us to help look after our second baby whilst I have to go to pursue my University studies. But that itself was shortlived as she can not stay in this country beyond the limit in her visa. So that means we re back to square one again. Maintaining my job on weekends, attending University lectures and the various placements in different environments and hospitals and the seemingly endless time spent in writing essays every after six weeks were almost nightmare to me as a mature student. I then managed to graduate from the university after three long years and arduous sacrifices. I am now qualified to do the job after my University studies. Even now, I can not say that I am totally settled immediately after attending University studies. The reason why I mentioned my University studies here is because it is directly linked to fathering! As a father I need to prepare the way to a firm and bright future for the whole family. To me finishing a three year diploma course in Mental Health Nursing on top of my other qualifications would mean a better chance of securing the job I want whilst building a stable family income required in order to meet the demands of economic and financial stability.
Fathering is a 24/7 task
Going back to fathering as an Igorot migrant worker is challenging yet rewarding. From the constant visit to clinics and hospitals, the birth of a child and the nurture and care of infants until they grow up, require the ever presence of a father. During those years and up until today, as a father I have to struggle with my employer to work permanently on night duty and if possible some set nights in order that I can work back to back with my wife who works permanently on days. I can say we are a bit luckier to have this situation because through this, I as the father goes to work at night so I can look after the kids during the day time even after coming from night duties. It appears as though it is a round-the-clock job and non-stop duty! This I do only to fit in with our situation as migrant workers. Our hard earned income are directly spent to mortgages, and other family needs. Our first four years in this country was without recourse to public funds which means no state aid yet we have to pay high income taxes to the government. Actually, there is hardly a penny left after working hard through those years. Yet we have to deal with this situation. Now that we are entitled with state aid in the form of child benefits seems no difference at all. Still, life must go on.
Fathering - a vital contribution to family life
Up until today, fathering should also be equally recognised as a vital contribution to family life. Fathers should not be treated as second only to mothers when it comes to child care. This generation has also produced some fathers who proudly push baby prams on the streets. I also noticed that many fathers now send their chilren to school and collect them after school days. There are more and more fathers who share the household chores now. All that this generation should do is to be fair with fathers and recognise their valuable contributions to family life and not to be treated as second only to mothers in child care and nurture.
Behold the fathers!
I wish there will come a time when fathers will also be counted as main performers in child care and nurture. This way, the child rearing and the whole concept of family upbringing will trully be equally shared by both parents or guardians.
A MUD HOUSE IN SOUTH KOREA
11 years ago
