Fathering

Fathering as in Mothering


The sudden change in the weather temperature today has made me reflect on the issue about Fathering. This sudden change on the climate seems to have suggested for me to reflect on the issue about Fathering. Fathering as opposed to mothering is that grey area in terms of the general agenda on parenting and the whole concept of family life. For example, the only attributed role to fathers is that of bread winners of the family. Their skills and direct participations in child care and nurture seems to be ouwitted by the conservative view on parenting. It appears as though parenting is exlusively reserved only to mothers who seem to be doing a lot of the nurture and care of young ones. This might be culturally true in the distant past, but now, especially to migrant workers like me who has no immediate family relatives to help has totally changed the whole concept of parenting.

There appears to be a great difference on the conservative understanding about parenting in the past as it is at this present generation. It may slightly vary on the different cultures around the world but still generally I think parenting now-a-days is an equal job shared by both parents or guardians.


Fathering as a Migrant Worker


Parenting in distant lands miles away from one's own homeland is all the more difficult especially when both parents have their own jobs. The struggle to raise one's own family without the guidance and help of other extended families is an uphill struggle! I was a little bit luckier when my mother-in-law came to stay with us to help look after our second baby whilst I have to go to pursue my University studies. But that itself was shortlived as she can not stay in this country beyond the limit in her visa. So that means we re back to square one again. Maintaining my job on weekends, attending University lectures and the various placements in different environments and hospitals and the seemingly endless time spent in writing essays every after six weeks were almost nightmare to me as a mature student. I then managed to graduate from the university after three long years and arduous sacrifices. I am now qualified to do the job after my University studies. Even now, I can not say that I am totally settled immediately after attending University studies. The reason why I mentioned my University studies here is because it is directly linked to fathering! As a father I need to prepare the way to a firm and bright future for the whole family. To me finishing a three year diploma course in Mental Health Nursing on top of my other qualifications would mean a better chance of securing the job I want whilst building a stable family income required in order to meet the demands of economic and financial stability.

Fathering is a 24/7 task

Going back to fathering as an Igorot migrant worker is challenging yet rewarding. From the constant visit to clinics and hospitals, the birth of a child and the nurture and care of infants until they grow up, require the ever presence of a father. During those years and up until today, as a father I have to struggle with my employer to work permanently on night duty and if possible some set nights in order that I can work back to back with my wife who works permanently on days. I can say we are a bit luckier to have this situation because through this, I as the father goes to work at night so I can look after the kids during the day time even after coming from night duties. It appears as though it is a round-the-clock job and non-stop duty! This I do only to fit in with our situation as migrant workers. Our hard earned income are directly spent to mortgages, and other family needs. Our first four years in this country was without recourse to public funds which means no state aid yet we have to pay high income taxes to the government. Actually, there is hardly a penny left after working hard through those years. Yet we have to deal with this situation. Now that we are entitled with state aid in the form of child benefits seems no difference at all. Still, life must go on.

Fathering - a vital contribution to family life

Up until today, fathering should also be equally recognised as a vital contribution to family life. Fathers should not be treated as second only to mothers when it comes to child care. This generation has also produced some fathers who proudly push baby prams on the streets. I also noticed that many fathers now send their chilren to school and collect them after school days. There are more and more fathers who share the household chores now. All that this generation should do is to be fair with fathers and recognise their valuable contributions to family life and not to be treated as second only to mothers in child care and nurture.

Behold the fathers!


I wish there will come a time when fathers will also be counted as main performers in child care and nurture. This way, the child rearing and the whole concept of family upbringing will trully be equally shared by both parents or guardians.

My Friend and Me

My Friend and Me

I worked last night for a twelve and a quarter hours shift. During the course of this shift, we are entitled for a break from work. My African colleague and friend and I were discussing some of our experiences as migrant workers. My friend narrated an incident happened when he and his friend went out for a nightout with his family and friends. When they entered the pub, my friend paid for their entrance fees and then proceeded to find a vacant table and chairs to occupy. After some time, my friend noticed that they were not being served and so he went to inquire in the bar then ordered and paid what he ordered. After some time, their orders were not served and then they were asked to leave the place immediately.

My friend said he paid everything which cost him about £30 altogether and nothing was returned to him when they left the place. It is sad to note that this incident is still happening in the twenty first century.

I am just hoping that this is just an isolated case and that it is not happening in other places.


manny

Migrant Worker

I migrated in search for greener pasture....


Descended on a foreign land not knowing what to endure


All looking strange, the weather, race, food, tongue and colour


Everytime we realise we are here, oh! we turn sour


The days quickly passed by, so with months and years


Babies arrive, kids play, giving us comforts from our tears!


It was a struggle to raise kids, yes, and I really mean


That when it moves, no elders to lean to, confidence knocked down, deep within


Jobs were scarce, who cares for an alien anyway?


When applying for a job, too many obstacles, many questions, I wonder why?


To the soul that never interrogated and dignified as before


Situations like these, makes one angry, struggle, and think once more.....


What have I done to deserve such human degradation?


And challenge my fate, then, I say, why did I make such decission?


When job was finally offered, oh! what a strange job, never thought of before!


But what can I say, take it or leave it, or else no job forever!









Manny

18 October 2008







I composed this poem while having my break time from my night duty.

BUHAY MANGGAGAWA SA IBAYONG BANSA

Nagbalot ka't sininup ang iyong mga dalahin sa 'yung pangingibang-bansa

At mabibigat ang mga paang humakbang patungo sa paliparan ng Maynila

Simbigat ng dala mong mga maleta ang damdaming pilit na pinapahupa

Ng mga pangarap at pagpupunyaging igapang ang kabuhayan sa malayong bansa



Tinahak mo ang mga landas na walang tiyak na paroroonan

At taas noong ikinukubli ang kaba sa dibdib at kalamnan

Tanggapin kabayan ang bukod tanging katotohanan

Na nandito kas sa ibang bansa upang kumayod at magsapalaran!



Unang araw sa trabaho ikaw ay natulala sa 'yong nasilayan at naramdaman

Dahil ngayon mo lang napagtanto at naintindihan ng lubusan

Na ang mawalay sa mga mahal sa buhay ay walang kaparis na pait

Lalo na't isiping bakit kaya kailangang lumayo't magpakasakit?



Tinimpi ang pait na dulot ng halos walang katapusang paghihirap

Ng katawang pagal sa pagkayod upang ang kabuhayang pilit na hinahanap

Ay makamit ng lubusan sa kabila ng masakit na pagtanggap

Sa katotohanang ika'y nalulumbay sa iniwang bayang pinapangarap!



Tahan na kabayan at silayan ang bukang liwayway sa dakong silangan

At ikalat ang paningin sa maaliwalas na kapaligiran ng bansang kinahantungan!

Marami ka pang taong gugugulin upang ang kabuhayang itinataguyod ng lubusan

Ay makamit kapalit ng dugo't pawis ng walang kaparis na sakripisyo ng katawan!



Binansagan ka ngang bayani, kabayan, ito kaya'y may katotohanan?

Bayani bang masasabi ang halos walang hanggang paghihirap ng lubusan?

Ang kakarampot na kinikita'y hinahati sa ibat-ibang "bills" na babayaran

At ang natirang pera'y di na halos makabili ng pagkain para sa hapag-kainan!



Sa hirap ng buhay kabayan ay halos wala ng iba pang paraan

Kundi tanggapin ang katotohanang ang pagpapakasakit ng 'yong katawan

Ay dili iba't patunay sa walang hanggang pagmamahal sa 'yong inang bayan!

Na ang tanging hangad ay itaguyod ang kinabukasan ng mga anak ng bayan!





This poem is writen to give a real picture of how it feels to leave one's own native land and descend to a foreign country.





Manny

Ika - 17 ng Setyembre 2008

ALAY SA MANGAGAWA SA IBAYONG BANSA

Mahapdi ang mga luhang dumadaloy sa 'yong mga pisngi
Dulot ng malubhang galit at pighati
Hapdi sa dibdib na dulot ng isang kataksilan
Ng isang taksil at walang pusong kababayan.

Lumisan ka't tumungo sa ibayong bansa
Puno ng pangako, sakit ng dibdib at mga ala-ala
Kagyat na sinunggaban ang unang pagkakataon
At kumayod ng todo, di alintana ang mga lumipas na mga taon

Sa isang Nursing Home ika'y namasukan na isang tagapag-alaga
Ng mga may kapansanang mga lolo at lola
Isa kang amang naghahanap-buhay ng puro pang-gabi
Dahil ang asawa'y sa araw naman siya naghahanap-buhay palagi

Masayang lumipas ang mga araw, buwan at taon
Nagpundar ka ng husto kahit na sa utang ay nabaon
Hindi ka pa rin sumoko at sa pamilya ka palaging nakatuon
Handang igapang at itaguyod habang may pagkakataon

Datapwa't isang araw ika'y biglang nalumbay
At ang kaba sa umaga ay walang humpay
Dahil ang taksil sa kababayan ika'y pinagkanulo
Sa salang walang katuturan at hindi naman totoo

Ang taksil na kababaya'y ginamit ang propesyon at puwesto
Upang ilupig ang dangal mo at siya baga'y ma-promote pang lalo
Dahil ang kapirasong patikim sa kanya'y gusto pa ng abuso
kapalit nito'y hanapbuhay mo't dangal na ipinagkanulo

Tumindig ka kababayan at ipaglaban ng tahasan
Dahil ang nakasalalay ay ang iyong kinabukasan
Dalawang supling na sa 'yo'y umaasa ng lubusan
Kamtin ang tagumpay laban sa taksil na kababayan!


This poem was writen for a friend who was wrongly accused of something he did not do. His boss who is a fellow filipino and a Registered General Nurse reported him to their manager who quickly believed the report. The incident happened when my friend's family and my family was in the middle of our holidays in Italy in the summer of 2008. Upon our arrival back to Liverpool, and after some investigations, my friend's job contact was terminated by his employer.


Manny
6 September 2008